Anthropophobia

Fear of meeting people or society.

I've largely suffered from this phobia. when i was a kid, i was very shy. didn't used to talk much to other people. it takes me a while to get to know a person closely/personally and only when i feel comfortable, i become friends with him/her. i only have like 10 (countable and accountable lol) "real" friends.



 

more than a year ago, i was at my restaurant when a really cute girl came with her dadiji. they ordered something and before leaving, stopped by for a few minutes to chat with me. the girl was really hot! i mean i was literally sweating. she was a beauty. goddamn goddess. bhains ki taang kya bataun! kuch ulte pulte personal sawal poochne shuru kiye unhone. i wasn't comfortable answering them (also being conscious that the hottest girl on planet was in front of me). i kept mum for a few minutes, or replied with "hmm" etc and they left.

later i came to know that girl was the grand daughter of meri dadiji ki satsang ki saheli and they came to see me (groom) for that fucking awesome bandi (bride)

haaye re kismet!

(i'm pretty sure it (the marriage proposal) wasn't for my elder brother as he was out of town for a business trip and hell yes my dadiji knew about it)

this article isn't about a bandi. its about meeting new people and trying to open up to a world of opportunities and possibilities one can only imagine. (i would probably be having sex right now with that piece of awesomeness and would ve loved to see your jaws dropped at my wedding)

anyway, i wanted to tell you that i ve always wondered what it would feel like to meet a friends dad. i haven't been to tumhare kisike bhi ghar but in my mind had millions of thoughts of how the conversation might go (if i were to meet your dad). jaise, if you come visit my folks, my dad will probably stand at the door to greet you and would fold his hands as a gesture of namaste instead of offering it out for a shake. and then ask you politely to sit down (will point towards the couch) and the first thing he'll ask kya loge beta.

here's how the conversation will go in my mind (note:- this is strictly a figment of my imagination. i will try not to cross a line. i know saari izzat baap ki hoti hai. ma ki kuch hoti hi nahi hai. udhaaran ke taur par , kisiko ko bolo teri ma ki choot and doosre ko bolo ulle ke patthey and probably the latter one will get zyada bharakofied as compared to the former)

(imagine Mr. Last Name and I are the only two persons sitting in the drawing room)

aditya sharma :- i ring the door bell. his dad answers. asks me who are you? i say i'm adi's friend. he'll shout wahin se adi tujhse koi milne aaya hai. mind you, he's still not letting me in. i'm standing at the door , legs shaking for some reason and thinking it'll all be over once i see adi. adi is taking longer than usual and finally he arrives. phew! we all enter. adi goes in to get water and again takes a hell lot of time to come back. his dad, staring at me with suspicion , air force-y and all , asks kya naam bataya tumne apna? and i run out of the house.

saurabh gupta :- his dad will " hand out " his hand with a little smile on his face.

dad - beta, kya kar rahe ho aajkal?

me - uncle, business!

dad - what sort of business

me - i'm into real estate

dad - engineering kyu kari fir?

me - :| (straight face and no answer)

dad - job kahin lagi nahi ya karna nahi chahte?

...and i run out of the house.

vinay sharma :- i've always wanted to meet him. in my life, i've been to two different schools. i've had had (i think two had ayenge grammatically hai na vnay?) a great rapport with my principals. my buaji is a principal and the fourth principal i know is his dad. i enter his house, and find him reading something..anything like a newspaper or a book or india today or something..

dad – next PM kaun hoga tumhare according?

Me – I don’t know sir, maybe yadav. Or modi.

Dad – hmm…you know nothing about politics , do you?

Me – (I was thinking don’t answer it, it’s a rhetorical question) not much!

Dad – (stares for sometime and says) sehat kaafi achhi bana rakhi hai tumne

…and I run out of the house

Nakul bhasin :- I really don’t know what his dad does. I ve imagined him as a sikh (with full fledged pagri and all). Tall with belly. Shirt , blue jeans , black shoes (dressed even when at home). Watching updates on sensex with a glass of scotch or whiskey in his hand.

Me – Namaste uncle!

Dad – baitho puttar!

Me – (probably scanning the house)

Dad – kuch loge beta? (and offers me a drink)

Me – (refusing the drink and hating afterwards) nahi bas thank you uncle

Dad – market kaisi chal rahi hai aajkal?

Me – (I have no idea about NSE BSE and I say) uncle sona 35000 jayega iss diwali

Dad – tabiyat theek hai?

(silence)

Dad – aur nahi gaya toh?

Me – umm…

Dad – ek kaam kar, aaj ke rate pe ½ kg buy karle , diwali pe mujhe 35000 ke hisaab se de diyo. 35000 se zyada hua , toh saara profit tera. Bol kya bolta hai?

…and the house collapses on my head.

saurabh parkash :- i ring the door bell. his dad answers. asks me kya chahiye? as if i'm a salesman or what.

Me – uncle saurabh hai kya?

Dad – (shouts) saurabh koi aaya hai milne (and invites me in)

Me – (sitting chup chap couch pe ,udhar face karke , trying not to start a conversation)

Dad – saurabh ne bataya tum business karte ho

Me – ji uncle!

Dad – (pointing a finger) agar mere bête ke dimaag mein kuch aisa waisa daala ki tu bhi business kar ye hoga wo hoga toh yaad rakhiyo.

…and we have a winner!

Puneet nagri :- a hot beverage (kawa or tea or something) might be offered. (I’ll directly start with the conversation)

Dad – (offering his hand) hello son, how are you?

Me – (smiling) I’m good.

Dad – so, how’s everything going?

Me – never better

Dad – (full of energy) that’s the spirit my boy. What do you do apart from work?

Me – I like listening to music.

Dad – no I mean you should start working out.

Me – (crap) yes uncle, abhi motiv….(ation)

Dad – aise toh kaam chalega nahi. Manushya ka shareer uska antt tak saath deta hai ya fir shareer ka hi antt kar deta hai.

Me – uncle puneet nahi dikh raha …

Dad – kyun maine kuch galat bola..? Yehi, bas yehi problem hai aaj ke generation ki. Koi samajhta hi nahi hai baat ko! Theek cheez samjhao toh ulta …. (nods his head disapprovingly)

Me – (I’m thinking what the hell puneet, have you got a girl pregnant or something)

Ashok bbc nitin ramesh ke dad ke saath I haven’t imagined a proper conversation.

I hope I haven’t upset anybody. If it makes you feel any better , you may comment about the same regarding my dad lol

Peace homie!
thank you vinay sharma for the support .